The song of my fave band since college, the Cranberries, is on Youtube just singing the words that I am trying to forget.
"But I miss you when you're gone. That is what I do. And it's hard to carry on, that is what I do. Baby."
All the memories just came rushing back to me and I couldn't stop them all. Emotions are overflowing like waters from the murky river of my heart. I hate this shit!
It's 2:31 am on a Sunday morning. I was supposed to be sleeping by now. I managed to block your memories and face for more than a week now and I successfully controlled the urge to check on your old messages like I always do. Imagine, every time I miss you, I checked your messages from more than 6 months ago. Reliving the moments when we still were so concerned with each other. But heck!!! I don't do that anymore.
I really thought I can get through this easily without a glitch from my programmed brain. I program it to completely ignore memories of you. But what the hell! One mere song tore down the protective shell I built for so long since the time I felt you broke loose from my grasp. Just one song!
Oh no, is it me faltering? Here's the second song still by the Cranberries, Just my Imagination. I might just have a very wild imagination. How about I just imagine dragons burning this unrequited love in my heart? Oh please save me!!!
Now you're playing Ridiculous Thoughts. The words may be simple but it's thought wrenching.
" Twister, oh, I shouldn't have trusted you.
But you're gonna have to hold on.
But you're gonna have to hold on.
Or we're gonna have to move on, move on, move on.
I feel alright and I cried so hard.
The ridiculous thoughts oh
I should have lied but you're gonna have to hold on!"
What is wrong with you Youtube!!! Why do you speak my pain. It's heart wrenching! It's 2:51 am What!!! Now that song? Are you just inside my brain! This 21 song.
"I don't think it's going to happen anymore
You took my thoughts from me
Now I want nothing more.
And did you think you could just take it all away?
I don't think it's happ'ning, this is what I say.
Leave me alone, leave me alone.
Leave me alone 'cause I found it all.
Twenty one...twenty one..twenty one..."
Check the lyrics and song list at www.letsingit.com of No need to argue Album by the Cranberries
Okay, I need to stop this now. Is this some kind of coincidence? Why is the playlist like this? Is a higher being telling me I'm Free to Decide?
"It's not worth anything,
More than this at all.
I'll live as I choose,
Or I will not live at all.
So return to where you come from,
Return to where you dwell.
...I'm free to decide,
I'm free to decide,
And I'm not suicidal after all".
This is getting creepier by the minute. It's 3 am anyway. I need to put down this writing or I might just burst into tears. I missed singing these songs so I put them on youtube on play all option. Instead I just have a walk down the memory lane. No, I am not ready yet. I still don't want to stroll down those memories at this time. Maybe next time, but not yet now.
And before I ended the Youtube app, I finished my most favorite song by the Cranberries. Because this song was deeply etched to my image every time I belted it out every videoke night with my friends.
"In your head, in your head
Zombie! Zombie
What's in your head? In your head.
Zombie. Zombie".
it's almost 4 am on a Sunday. Where does moving on comes in? It's where excitement and dread decided to have a rendezvous in my mind. After that memory blast, I now feel like a zombie. Good night everyone!
