Ok, if I were to become a lady boss by my own right, then I need to push down that insecurity down the drain. I have never been insecure in my life until recently when health made me paranoid at all times. Too much stress and thinking unimportant things created a havoc in my life. I never knew that I could be this low. I started thinking less of myself and saw others’ success as a story in a book, a fantasy, something that I could never be.
I am not the jealous type. I don’t turn green with envy. But the more successful friends I see, the more I feel small. I don’t hate them or envy them. Never. I actually am happy for them. And why the hell not? They are my friends. But the ugly part, I gauge what I did with what they did. Little did I know that I am already comparing what they did to mine. And this is bad. So bad because I know in my heart that we all have the same goal in mind: to be successful. But what differs us from one another is the what and which roads we are taking to get there. Some have reached a point of success they already envisioned for themselves. Some, still in the journey. Some, in standstill of their lives and still contemplating what else to do. And some like me, started out strong, but road blocks and hills were on the way. So we were stalled. I am stalled. I am in that point where I question myself what happened to me. What should I do? Should I stay? Should I go or head back to where I started from and start from scratch?
The problem with stopping on the road is time. How long should I stop here? I am wasting precious time, right? I should be already doing this and that!!! But we should remember this: We hold the time of our lives and I have decided that I also have time for everything. I have time to be confused, to be down, to feel low, and to mourn about it. It is my right to feel bad about myself, pause, contemplate and decide what to do. Oh yes I am in the point of my life where I don’t really know what to do because of too much happenings in my life made me what I am now. Give me time to heal and to stand back again. So like everyone else who gathered enough strength after a downfall, remember this: No one should take away this time of healing for yourself to be able to fight back to life again.
It also doesn't help if you continuously think what others can do compared to you. It's like being in a company where ten of you do the same thing. But the actual amount of passion, of time, of a piece of your life that is given to that same job makes a big difference. How you value what you do and how you create a piece of work makes all the difference. We are all unique in every way. Do not let the fear of being just one of the many stops you from doing what you really like.
Now, I have decided to continue writing the chapters of my book of success. I have spent too much time lagging behind that I forgot how I wanted my life to be. Yes, the goal is the same but I will take a high road. I don’t regret stopping for so long because during this slow process, I have learned more about myself. I really thought after being separated from my ex husband was the worst in my life but I realized it was nothing compared to what I have gone through this past few years. My battle is with myself, my principles in life. Now that I have risen from the dead I know life can throw its dirtiest crap on me, take a beating, and still come up strong. But of course it would be much easier if along the way friends and families will be there to support you. But if you don’t get the support you need, then woman up, chin up and hold your crown!
And yes, I want to be a Lady Boss. So you ladies out there who can’t start writing the chapters of your life, fret not. It is not an easy task. Don’t undermine yourself by comparing yourself with others. Your life is different from anyone else. Live it according to your rules. No one is stopping you. No one can stop you. So hats off to all who have decided to be the queen of this crazy world.
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